Defining Paranoia

(Untitled)

“I think he hates me.”

He inserted a coin in the jukebox and punched in his favorite song, then he went back behind the counter and poured her favorite drink for her.

“No, I just want a diet coke this time.”

Shrugging, he took a sip from the drink he had just poured and gave her what she ordered. She stared at her drink, held the glass in her hand for a while, then raised the glass to her lips.

“So why do you think he hates you?”

She drank some more of her diet coke then set her glass down. She shook her head a few times then she looked up at him.

“Did you spike my drink? I specifically told you I want a diet coke, meaning NO ALCOHOL!”

He grinned at her and took away her glass. He poured her a another diet coke and passed it over to her. She accepted it and took a careful sip from it. He laughed.

“You don’t trust me?”

She drank some more.

“It’s not a matter of trust … Anyways, yeah, he hates me.”

A middle aged man came and sat next to her.

“I need something hard today.”

“Wife?”

“I just lost my job.”

She turned towards the man. His brow was wrinkled and his eyes had softened. His shouldered were hunched down, probably from dragging his feet all the way to the bar, and his clothes were a total mess. He gulped down his drink and ordered another. The bartender turned his attention back to her.

“So why does he hate you?”

She was still staring at the man who lost his job. She thought of his wife and family. How could he face them? How could he tell them about what had happened?

“That man just lost his job … “

“This is a bar. People come here to drink their sorrows away.”

“Yeah, but his sorrow is different. He lost his job.”

He let out a sigh and poured the man another drink upon his request then went back to her.

“People lose their jobs every day. He’ll be able to pick it up in no time.”

The ice in her drink was melting and her eyes were still glued to the man.

“You just said ‘Wife’ when he said he wanted a strong drink meaning he also has problems with his wife. He won’t pick it up in no time. How is he going to tell her? What if she leaves him afterwards? How will he go on?”

The bartender took a sip from his own drink and rolled his eyes. A drunkard at the back changed the song in the jukebox and now it was playing “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”.

“Why are you so concerned about him? You have your own problems?”

“Hm?” Her head popped up all of a sudden and she looked at him, “Problems? I’m drinking a diet coke. Seriously … “

He sighed and finished his drink.

“I can never get you … “

“Hey Mister!”

The man turned towards her, eyes slowly settling back on earth after a long hovering over a far off land. She scooted closer to him.

“I’m sorry about your job. It must be really hard.”

He smiled weakly at her and mumbled a thank you. He went back to his drink and didn’t turn towards her.

“I know it’s none of my business, but the bartender kind of gave it a way. You have problems with your wife?”

He didn’t react to her.

“I know you probably get this a lot and you really hate hearing it from people, but I know how it feels to have problems with the one person you love the most.”

To her surprise, he smiled and started to shake his head. Confused, she tilted her head to the side and raised her eye brow. He started to talk.

“She is not the one person I love the most. She is an obnoxious flesh-eating monster disguised as a beautiful witty woman.”

He ordered another drink and turned towards her.

“Do you know how I met her? Oh, you should see her telling the story. She says it with so much emotion and affection, as if we’re madly in love with each other even after 15 years of marriage. That the spark is still there and we “make love” every night and that our life is just PERFECT!”

His drink arrived and he gulped it down all at once. She didn’t say anything. She only stared wide eyed at the glass he put down and listened to him talk.

“It was a chilly October night. I was walking back from the library after a night of endless studying. She was out with her girlfriends for a study break walk. We passed each other. She felt sorry for me because I was alone, so she left her girlfriends and came to see how I was doing.”

He cleared his throat and then started to speak in an annoyingly high-pitched voice and a fake high class accent.

“’I asked him if he wanted some company and of course he replied, ‘No thanks, you go enjoy your night.’ But how can I let a looker like him go away that easily? Yes, back in the days, he was very handsome. All right, so anyway, I ask him if he had had anything to eat, and of course, he said no again. So I invited him to eat at this place I know that opens around the clock. We talked a lot that night. Oh, he was so adorable! Afterwards I remember, he asked me out. I said no of course. I mean, I just felt sorry for him being alone but I wasn’t going to date him! But he insisted so I decided to give him a chance and … well, let’s just say he captured my heart. We dated for 2 years in college. He proposed to me right before graduation and got married right after. He couldn’t wait to make me his.’”

He turned towards the bartender who was about to refill his cup. He shook his head and held up his hand.

“No, can I just have some water?”

He turned back towards her.

“Afterwards she would smile at me, touch my chest, and give me a ‘gentle’ kiss. She’d then flutter those fake lashes of hers, flash me a sickly sweet smile, and walk away.”

She smiled at him.

“That is kind of cute.”

He burst into hysterical laughter which sent her back a seat.

“I’m sorry. It’s just funny. Everyone LOVES this version of the story. That’s what she told her parents. She didn’t want to tell them what really happened. Want to know what really happened? We were both at a party. She was dressed as a slut, I was stoned. We didn’t know each other. I ended up doing her in the corner and she got pregnant. We were both trashed, I have no idea how she remembered that I was the guy that humped her that day.”

He drank some of his water. She didn’t know what to say, where to look, or whether to just go back to talking about her problems to the bartender. The man, on the other hand, had other plans for her. He wasn’t done.

“Yeah, she got pregnant. She told me after a month. You know what else she said? ‘I think you’re the father.’ The key word here babe is: think. She thought I was the father. She probably slept with half the guys that night and she only remembered me because she wasn’t that trashed when we met. That was during our senior year. After graduation, we got married. After we had our son, I felt that I could really love her. Until we tried to make another child. We went to a fertility doctor. Yes, I was sterile. I wasn’t the father of her child. We tried to act like it didn’t matter, that it didn’t mean a thing, but then I learned she was pregnant. Not only were we not having sex after we got the news, but I was also incapable of impregnating her. She was cheating on me. The problems I have with my wife girly, is that she is cheating on me constantly with other men. Is that the kind of problem you’re having with your boyfriend?”

She sat there unable to utter a word. The bartender was shaking his head and serving another customer who lost his money in the stock market. She opened her mouth to say something, then quickly changed her mind and ordered her usual drink. The bartender laughed and mouthed her a “You shouldn’t have tried talking to him…”. He gave her the drink she ordered. She was just about to take a sip when he started talking again.

“Yeah, I lost my job. I got fired. I actually wanted to get fired. I hate that job. My boss is so demeaning. He constantly reminds me that I am going to rot in this little town for the rest of my life while all my other colleagues go out to the city and become successful business men. He reminds me that he took me off the streets when he learned that I was a father of a bastard child with a degree of “How to make crap?”. That I am a talentless waste who could not even satisfy his own wife. Yes, everyone knows that my wife is a whore. If I could afford a lawyer, I would have divorced her. You don’t happen to be a lawyer, now do you?”

She shook her head slowly and carefully then turned her attention back to her drink. The man got up from his seat and with much difficulty and made his way to the jukebox. He inserted a coin and played a song she knew very well. She turned towards him despite the bartender’s attempts to stop her. She stayed in her seat and the bartender let out a long sigh.

“He’s quite the character.”

“I know. He used to be a regular when he first learned his wife cheated on him. He hasn’t been here for 5 years though. I guess he stopped caring so much about that slut wife of his. She’s really hot you know. If I didn’t respect that guy over there, I would’ve slept with her. She seduced me you know. She always wore really short dresses and the highest heels you’ll ever find in a store. “

The man, after singing along with the song he chose, turned his attention to the girl.

“Hey girly! What’s your boyfriend’s problem?”

Suddenly, her heart sunk in her chest and her eyes lost their shine.

“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s my ‘best friend.’ He doesn’t know I love him, but I ruined everything between him and this girl he liked.”

He stumbled back to his seat.

“What did you do?”

“Well … “ She said and shrugged her shoulders. “I sort of told her he was my boyfriend. He thought I told her that because I was ‘afraid that he would get hurt’. All his previous girlfriends were sluts who only went for him for his money. Whenever things get serious, they dump him and he comes crying to me. I did tell her that he was my boyfriend partially because of that, but also because this one really did like him for who he really was and I didn’t want him to commit to someone that wasn’t me.”

“Have you tried telling him you love him?”

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

“Many times. Every time he says, ‘I love you, too. You’re the best friend a guy could ever have.’ Do you know how much that hurts? God …”

“He’s a ass. You’re one foxy lady. You shouldn’t be hanging onto a guy like that. Go out. Live life. I mean, at least you’re not married to a cheating whore.”

He ordered drinks for both of them.

“You know what we should do girly? We should go out and show them that we don’t care about them. If they don’t want us, then we don’t want them either! What do you say?”

She looked to the bartender for help but he shrugged his shoulders.

“I guess. What can we do though?”

He grinned at her then reached into his pocket and pulled out two hundred dollar bills and put it on the counter. He got out of his seat and extended his arm towards her.

“Let’s go out for a walk. The fresh cold air will do us good.”

They put on their coats and headed for the door. The bartender looked at the hundred dollar bills on his counter, shrugged not questioning why a man with no job was giving away this much money, then went back to serving his usual customers.

They walked towards the docks. It was a quiet night. It was late of course, way past midnight. The water was still and there wasn’t a soul out that night. They continued to talk about how shitty their lives were until all of a sudden, without warning, she kissed him. She quickly pulled away after she realized what she had done.

“I’m sorry. So so sorry. I didn’t mean to-“

To her surprise, he held the collar of her coat with his hands and pulled her closer to him for a kiss. After recovering from the shock, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back while he moved his hands down to her chest. Realizing what was about to happen, she broke the kiss and whispered, “I live right around the corner.”

He threw away her scarf and coat and took of his jacket. He pinned her to the wall and kissed her with all the passion he could muster. The anger of how his life got ruined after marrying a woman he knew nothing about, a lying bitch, a cheating whore, it all surfaced now and burst into that kiss. He was touching her body, exploring every inch. His hands slowly moved down from her waist to her hips and slid underneath her dress. She broke the kiss to let out a gasp. She let out another gasp when he touched her again. It had been a long time since she had been with a man.

He withdrew his hands from underneath her dress and started to unbuckle his belt.

“The bedroom is right over there.”

He shook his head, “I can’t wait.”

He took of his pants and slid his hands underneath her dress. He kissed her again and then broke away and took a step back. Slowly, as if on cue, she lifted the dress over her head and took it off. He took of his shirt and then stared at her body. He pushed her against the wall and stared straight into her eyes. She stared back. Her heart was beating fast in her chest. She removed the last clothing garment she had on and so did he. Then he took her into his arms, lifted her up, and lowered her down onto him.

“Wait! Don’t you have a condom?”

He bit her neck which made her gasp.

“Didn’t you hear anything I told you tonight? My little boys don’t work!”

He said that and thrust himself into her harder. She let a little scream and dug her nails into his back. He moved fast within her, hard. When he was just about to come, he felt her reach her pinnacle. She let a little shriek. At that instance, the door to her apartment opened and in stepped her ‘best friend’.

He stared at them with horror. The man let her down.

“I can explain.”

There was a look in his eye. She couldn’t believe she never noticed that look before. He left and she dressed quickly to follow him. She tried to explain to him what had happened, but he never stopped to listen to her. He kept on walking away as she hysterically tried to reason with him.

The man killed himself that night. After she left, he didn’t bother to dress himself. He walked out the door, and around the corner to the docks. Then he jumped into the waters. A few minutes later he drowned. He was found an hour later floating by the girl and her “best friend”.

The news spread fast. His boss learned of the incident that night. The police called him because, for some odd reason, the man listed his boss as his emergency contact. The phone fell from his hands and before he knew it, he was in the kitchen with the sharpest knife he could find. His guilt overwhelmed him and he took his own life that night.

The girl gave up on her guy after she found the man whom she let go with floating in the waters. She went back to the bar and sat on the stool. It was almost 4 in the morning and her eyes were bloodshot and dark.

“I think he hates me … “

posted by 5ada @ 8:48 PM